Flutter bys

Flurries flutter by Sun dancing, dodging between Bright, chilly day

The Challenge of Choices

Its uncharted territory this. More than twenty years without a break in my employment and now here I sit without work. It was my choice to head down this path. I could have taken the new contract starting the day after the one that was ending. There is certain comfort in taking that next predictable step but there too lies boredom and the hollow silence of a challenge not faced. I chose instead a less certain but potentially more rewarding option.

Sometimes, however, the silence of the challenge is sweet, a rare peacefulness across the landscape. Facing a challenge and deciding against it can have its own satisfaction. As a younger man I faced a challenge that would have put my career in a higher gear than I had ever imagined possible but the conditions were perfect and I sat across the desk from vast opportunity. I was younger then but still old enough to understand that life has balance and steps down a given path preclude those of another.

It was a rare glimpse into my future that I didn’t understand at that time but through the corrected vision of nearly 20 years I see now that the message was written in 72 point bold that I can now read clearly across the years. Of course now I have become accustomed to holding things at a distance to read them, further proof that the eyes with which I view the world today are not the same as I had back then but that’s not really the point here.

I made the right choice back then and never looked back to question but it was the context of the challenge that I missed completely at the time. It is the context that is now so stark to me. That bold a move was unacceptable in my micro culture, the group of folks I chose to surround me. An “All Our Kin” type of servitude where individual success is perceived as a threat to the larger group. Failure would have been acceptable to the group, expected even, but it wasn’t an option for me and I knew I could meet the challenge of the career but not likely the obstacles placed by the group.

So here today I sit having faced the challenge and made the bold move but the funding fell through so the work didn’t materialize. I prepared for this option, age does provide at least some wisdom, but the fact is that I have much more to lose this time around. I should say materially I have more to lose but the micro culture in which I have successfully landed doesn’t define my value by my career success or failure. While my recent choice has left me thinner of wallet, my ongoing decision to more effectively manage my life has made me richer in friendship and more confident in my ability to make the right choices.

I’m less inclined to make decisions based on my fears of the outcome and more inclined to decide apodictically. Just this morning I consulted with a potential employer, dissected the issue they were proposing I resolve and helped them decide on a solution that didn’t include me. They had the funding and the will to proceed. I could have given them what they were asking for. It just wouldn’t have been the right solution to meet their business intention. Had my fear of unemployment directed my participation, I may well have won the contract. As it is I won their respect, kept my self-respect and likely won a place in the front of their Rolodex the next time a problem in my domain presents itself.

And then I will get to face the challenge of another choice...

Finally, a decent night for a ride!

Fair -6°F (-21°C)

Humidity: 61 % Wind Speed: W 8 MPH Barometer: 30.32" (1029.5 mb) Dewpoint: -16°F (-27°C) Wind Chill: -21°F (-29°C) Visibility: 10.00 mi.

I haven't been riding much. It's a side effect of becoming a full-time commuter since I am between assignments. No work, no commute, no riding. I have the gear and know-how to ride in almost anything so when cabin fever hit me this afternoon, I knew I would have to ride. I had an errand to run and took the bus/train and watched all kinds of folks out enjoying the sunny (high of -3F) day on two wheels. Including the fixie who couldn't get his bike on the bus rack, apparently frozen in place, so the driver had him just bring it in. I rode the loop this evening and was as comfortable as any spring evening ride, well except for the mummy effect resulting from many layers. Maybe I am becoming a Bike Punk...

Life's rich texture

Thursday spinning, prowling for Friday

Hectic, determined, undeterred

Not caring to be one day

Short of a full week

Long night of a late December

Dark from night,

Light from snow

Short of a full year

Raucous skiing, silent in the woods

Heartbeat, deep breaths in

The twilight reaches out

Short, in a full life

Bike -vs- express bus

Yesterday I rode to work even though there was a prediction for significant snow. I rationalized that worst case I could always throw my bike on the bus rack and bus home in the evening if the snow seemed like too much to ride in. I left work early just to give myself a bit of an edge on dealing with the snow which had been falling quite heavily all afternoon. When I pulled out of the parking garage (indoor, heated... I will miss this company when my contract ends this month!) the traffic was completely stopped. Gridlock was in full force with no more than one car clearing an intersection per green cycle. Cars were pointed every which way as each tried to beat the other for the best position in the traffic snarl and most of the drivers were in fact snarling at each other. Not me! I twisted and turned between them all as I rode merrily along, slower than my usual pace but at a steady pace roughly one block forward motion for each car length of forward motion my snarling neighbors were making. So I smiled at them all and happily peddled along. The bus stop where I would catch the bus, should I decide not to ride home, is about four blocks from my office. I had traffic radio on quietly in one ear and was hearing that it wasn't going to get any better so even though I arrived at the bus stop at the same time as the express bus I would ride did, I just kept on peddling. It ended up taking me something under an hour which is more than twice my usual time but what a great ride. Of course when I got home, I had to shovel so I ended up with quite a workout, all of it with a smile on my face. This morning I woke up and was a bit tired partly from yesterday's workout and partly from fitful sleep about my contract ending and not having another one on the horizon. In any event, I decided it would be a bus day. I bought a Go To Card last May and put $100 in it. If you don't know, this is a card where you prepay and then when you ride it gets deducted from the balance. When I bought it I thought it would be great if I made it to October before I had to replenish it. Well I have missed very few bike commuting days and even though I have used it a few times for non-commuting trips, this morning it registered a balance of $79 after charging me the $2.75 express fare. It's been a good run for commuting but it's only going to get better. See it took over an hour on the express bus this morning and when I passed over the trial I normally ride, there was no traffic on it at all. The time I spent this morning actually on the bus (which was of course late...) was more than I ever spend riding to work AND showering. Don't get me wrong here, I like taking the bus sometimes but today I would have gotten to work quicker and more refreshed if I had ridden. The message I'm taking away is that when the going gets rough, ride the bike! Now if I can just figure out how to keep my glasses from fogging up when I ride in the cold I will be set...

Car 222, Bike about 300

So I started keeping track of my car mileage a few months back figuring I would compare bike vs car and then my bike computer broke so I can only guess the bike mileage. In October I only drove the car 155 miles, 210 in September and 222 in November. Like some others in the bloggesphere, I am just making small changes that affect my life. I am not trying to save the world but then if everyone made this kind of small change it would change the world. I rode today, first snow ride of the season, and it was pretty uneventful. Took about the same amount of time, perhaps a little longer but not so much as to notice. The bike lanes were all gone since the streets weren't plowed to the curb yet and the bike count in the office bike rack was down from around twenty last Friday to six today. Tomorrow snow is predicted again and it may be snowing when it's time to leave and I just may ride the bus. The express bus that comes by two blocks from my house takes almost exactly the same amount of time as it does to ride but it's not as fun. Either way the car will stay in the garage...

Two views of stupidity

So I realize at about 7:30 on Friday night that we are nearly out of cat food and since I worked from home, hadn't gotten a lick of exercise. Seeing as how Chuck & Don's is only around 4 miles away, I jump on my bike, pack on my back to go pick up food for the kitties. It's around 10 degrees with a slight breeze and I have a lovely ride there and on my way back I pass a building on the Midtown Greenway Trail where two people are standing outside the door in shirtsleeves, clearly freezing their butts off. At first I don't know what they are doing out there so clearly not dressed for the conditions so I am looking at them trying to figure it out when I realize they are looking back at me with the same level of puzzlement on their faces. While I am riding by on the trail in perfect comfort, they are freezing their butts off to take the opportunity to stick burning leaves in their mouths. And then I start to chuckle as I realize we are sharing a thought bubble in this cold dark night: "If that isn't the most stupid thing I have ever seen..."

Degrees 7, Pleasure 10; I'm winning!

When I went to bed the prediction was 14 for a low, wind chill around zero. When I checked in the AM it was 7 and falling with a wind chill of -10. I was wishing my Lake winter boots had arrived but they haven't. It was OK though I was slightly overheated when I arrived at work and other than fogging up glasses, had no problems getting to work. Well except for the fact that my lovely morning ride ended in downtown Mpls. and at the start of another very long day in the belly of the beast but that's another story.

My Muse

My muse

makes many moments meaningful, melancholy

Monday maybe

manufactures more machinations mundane, miserable

Mostly mired marshes

make musty methane memories

Muttered mumblings

might mash mindful morons

Or not

Jim & Jane

There are few times over the course of one’s life that the awesome power of pure beauty strikes your heart and takes your breath away. Fewer times yet that you get to watch it rolling and growing knowing it’s good and then get to see it suddenly blossom more spectacular than your high expectations conceived.

I’ve listened to music perhaps more deeply than most. Pursued it as my lifestyle and my living but didn’t have the maturity or courage to see it through. There were other battles to be fought that I had no clue were coming at the time but turn out to have been the right path for me. It did, however, crystallize in me the utmost respect for those can and do see it through.

I have been enjoying the talent of such a soul for better than forty years. I even had the honor of tossing my riffs in the same wind for quite a few years back in the day. So there’s no surprise when the next chapter unfolds with greater strength and maturity. No surprise to find this soul connected to another of parallel depth and talent pushing relentlessly to perfect their art. No surprise that others are noticing too.

We all grow and live or stagnate and die. We can’t change those rules; we can only adapt. Those with vision and strength thrive; those without miss the opportunity to enrich both their own lives and those lives they chance to touch.

I’ve been hearing some of the new tunes and waiting for the new CD that will carry them home with me where I can savor them in my own space, my own time as I have with their first. Good music always touches me, great music moves me but just every once in a while it grabs me by the lapels, pulls me out of my chair and pushes me into a universe previously unavailable to me.

Now when Bach’s Ave Maria builds dissonance with sweet counterpoint then resolves in a grand crescendo and stops my heart or the Carter Family brings tears to my eyes, I’m prepared for it since their legend precedes my hearing. When someone whose music I have been enjoying for most of my life puts out a better then average performance, it warms my heart. When that performance is catapulted forward by songwriting of unconceivable depth and grace, words fail me but I’m really happy to be alive.

This CD is an amazing work of art with so many fantastic pieces but at the top is “A Dodger’s Prayer” which surpasses the Carter family for melodic line and John Prine for lyrical richness. It's quite clear that Jim and Jane are on the "grow and live" branch of the tree and we are all richer for it.